So, back to the electronic diary.  My life has come under much upheaval in the last two months, and I will try to make sense of it here as much as I can.  I cannot find all the words to describe my pain and hurt and sense of betrayal, but I will try.  I have cried A LOT, and I have raged and lost weight and missed sleep and gotten weak.  My whole world collapsed, and although he tried to blame me in some way, I know that I did not cause this disruption in the world flow, and I am finding my feet and becoming stronger.  I am taking black comfort from the fact that this must all end in tears for the two of them, but I don't know how long that will take, or how I will feel when it happens.  As it stands now I will take him back if he comes back, but there will be a lot of heavy discussions before things are even close to being resolved, and he must make many more revelations on his own, without prompting from me if it is to happen.  I don't kid myself that it is likely, but I still have my hope that it will.  I can live by myself, but I am a person who longs for a partner, and who will give it my all.