Hello. Saw the career mangler today, and was told that promotion to Cpl is entirely time-in, but you should have some sort of half-assed plan to get your 5's and leadership courses by that time. Unless you are prego or sick the whole time. He also told me that Greenwood 2011 is entirely do-able, so that is what I am shooting for- tour July'10 and then Greenwood for APS 2011. Sounds OK, and I'll be a Cpl by then too. The tour I am slated for is the typical "girly" overseas sandbox tour made famous by the "experiences may vary" poster, and that is all right by me too. If they told me that the guns were my only option, sure, but I have no extra desire to go outside the wire for the same cash and career prospects that are going to be mine by staying in KAF, so there you go. And the MWO seems to think I will be going. So all the ducks are lining up in a nice tight row.

And the new Gabaldon book is pretty good so far too. Not as much humour so far, but it is there, underneath, and may yet come out. It seems like a good read, and the fact that Arch Bug has already come out of hiding is a good sign for the book in general, even if it is for his wife's funeral.

Hello. This week was rather rough, below the surface. I am realizing just how much bile comes out of everyone's mouth at the office, including my own. Everyone is pitted against each other, and it is only natural. We are all (the BOQ's) coming from the same course, and all trying to get signed off on the same 4's package. And even so, we are told we are not in competition, and nothing matters. Well, of course we are and of course everything matters. All of those taskings that no one knows about until after they are filled are supposed to be PDR/PER building things. Never mind that some of us would want to do them even if they did absolutely nothing to boost our career. My problem is that I don't communicate well in any setting. I have honed my briefing skills such that the squadron briefs are not a problem, but really any other type of brief and I don't come off well at all. It's frustrating, because everything that I want to say is right there in my head, and then when I open my mouth all of these awkward phrases and strange pauses come out. I get the same criticisms every time I brief; your facts were all straight and you knew why everything was happening, but there was no cohesive flow.

There is no cohesive flow because when I open my mouth everything that comes out of it is strained through oatmeal. And then I try to change the subject by making excuses for the smallest mistakes that I have made, things that every briefer does all the time, instead of trying to explain the problems I am actually having (let alone why I have them....we'd be there till the next millennia ). The reason that the squadron briefs go as well as they do is because I don't have to think about anyone criticizing it as it stands, and since I know the weather and the reasons behind what is happening, any questions are easy. So I can basically forget about the audience for the most part and just talk to myself. If I could convince my brain of the same set of circumstances in a one-on -one briefing with one of my Sgts, I would have been signed off months ago.

And so I am left with the same dilemma as far as my briefings go. I know what the problem is but lack the imagination to make the problem at hand go away. Perhaps there is another way to tackle this, but it will have to be discovered another day.